The Ultimate Guide to Threesomes by Stella Harris

Author:Stella Harris
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: The Ultimate Guide to Threesomes
ISBN: 9781627785204
Publisher: Cleis Press
Published: 2021-04-14T16:00:00+00:00

First Messages and Beyond

First messages should be friendly, not explicit. A quick scroll through my own Tinder shows that the last couple who picked me up started by asking what book I’d read most recently. And it was a full week of chit chat before I asked them what they were looking for. And the answer? Not just potential sex partners, but friends.

Making friends as an adult can be difficult, so why waste the opportunity? If you like someone enough to have sex with them, there’s a good chance they’re friend material too. They’re also likely open-minded and sex-positive. Making friends on dating apps, whether you also have sex with them or not, can be a great way to start building new community.

When messaging from a couple’s profile, make it clear who is doing the writing. Is one half of the partnership doing most of the outreach? This can be as simple as signing your message with the name of who’s writing. Or if every message is a joint effort, say that too. People want to know who they’re talking to.

That same couple who picked me up with book talk? All the writing was done by the woman. And when we exchanged numbers, it was her number she gave me. Even after roughly a year of chatting and occasional threesome dates, I’ve only spoken directly to her on the app or by text.

As much as I wish everything were gender neutral, I have found that when an MF couple is picking up another F, it can often work best if the women talk first, or do some of the first flirting. That tends to be where the mismatch or discomfort is going to be, if there’s going to be any. So making sure the women get along and are into each other is a good step to making sure things go smoothly overall.

No matter how many messages you’re writing, don’t copy and paste the same first message to everyone. Savvy online daters can smell generic from a mile away. Make sure you actually read the profiles of the people you’re interested in, look at their pictures, and craft a message that’s actually for and about them.

Do you have hobbies in common? Do they have a cute pet? Do you have similar taste in movies, music, or books? Remember, the conversation doesn’t have to be about sex right off the bat— start by building rapport.

Also on the no-no list: unsolicited explicit photos. Don’t send pictures of nudity or sex acts unless the conversation has already gotten sexy and you’ve gotten clear permission to send them. This should go without saying, but anatomy-textbook worthy photos of genitals don’t get you dates.

If you’re going to be messaging for a while, you’ve got logistical choices to make. It can be helpful to move to text or to a messaging app that can easily manage a three-way chat.

Messaging styles differ. Some people like to message for a while, maybe even weeks, before meeting up. Others

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